Here's a story that makes for über-funny bug jokes! During the hot (>20°C) summer months in Stockholm, the joys of life reached all the way into my iPod touch, in the form of a tiny little fly (not the ordinary housefly, more like the tiniest variety of a fruit fly).

At first I was a little amused, but quickly realized that there was practically no way to get the critter out. Opening iPods - especially the fancy metal/glass recent designs will void not only warranty but likely the whole thing. My first thought was that it would get bored after a while and find its way out, but you know insects, they just don't know when to quit. Worse still, that little fellow was getting more tired by the minute. I could picture it settling for a final resting place right in the middle of the screen; good bye 279 € just like that.

Then I slapped my face and went: ”damn it, you're an engineer. Guys like yourself battle nature all the time and come out winning. Do something!". I noticed a tendency that the insect tended to move towards the light – and additionally, that there is a much spacier border on the upper part of the screen. So, I'd just place the iPod straight up, in a bag with an opening at the top…and wait. After some nice waiting, no dice. Just as soon as I'd start using the iPod again, my little friend was soon out on the court, patiently looking for whatever got it in there in the first place. Mates?

After toying with the idea of

• Bug spray through the headphone jack (super-stupid)
  
• Use a burning glass to vaporize the intruder thorough the touch screen glass surface (just as stupid, only in a different way)

Growing more impatient by the minute, mean while the insect grew more and more acclimatized to its new hi-tech prison, I tried shaking, then lightly pounding the iPod in an attempt to get the bug into the larger border part on top of the screen. This didn't have any effect whatsoever (same goes for larger flies, and even after they're dead – the adhesive on their tiny feet is disturbingly powerful).

Happy ending

While I was torn between hoping that the problem would just go away if I waited a while, and the risk of having a dead insect in a really bad place on the other hand, I decided to make an active but risky effort. Coincidentally, we had recently had a bug infestation (common, different kind) in our pantry at home. From that episode, I had learned that foodstuffs that might be affected could be put in the freezer a few day, which would kill off all remnants (bugs, larvae, eggs) that might be present. Nice and easy. But would it work on an iPod as well?

Disclaimer:The following treatment worked for me, and I haven't noticed any ill effects this far. But its an uncommon thing to do, there's certainly some risk involved and I take no responsibility from damage if you perform these steps on your device. In addition to that, you will have a dead insect inside our iPod, and as I am about to describe, it might not end up in the right place. You're on your own.
Checking out the iPod specifications, the storage temperature is rated to -20°C (-4°F) at the lowest, which would be alright (or within reasonable range). The two sensitive issues out of ambient temperature I can imagine is the battery, and condensation forming inside the unit. The battery would be kind of gamble if the freezer is below -20°C, but condensation isn't really a problem as long as sufficient time is allowed for it to dry out when the temperature goes up again. I was desperate enough to try, anyway.

So the idea was to freeze the iPod, killing the insect with minimal harm to the device. But first I had to get the insect away from the screen. Only, there is no way to "do" that. You just have to wait for it to go there on its own. Again, waiting and fingernail biting. After yet an hour I gave up and decided I would be content with it sitting just out of the way of the pixel matrix, but still clearly visible.

I put the iPod in a cloth bag to keep it from getting stuck in the freezer, and to keep out some condensation (in retrospect, a plastic bag is probably better suited). The idea was to first have it in the 'box for half an hour or so, to tranquilize the insect in the right spot, but be able to abort and retry if it decided to move during that time. So I checked every ten minutes for about an hour. Still in the same place.

The recommended duration for getting rid of those flour bugs mentioned earlier is 3-4 days. I figured that would be more than sufficient for the tiny fly as well (not being much of an entomologist, I admit). More anxious waiting. Checking one day later, the iPod looked like a find out of the arctic ice. Fly in the same spot. Plan working flawlessly.

I had a rough idea that the insect feet might have different properties when frozen, and wet from condensation. They just might slip a little, for once. After three days deep frozen, I made one more attempt to relocate the bug to a part of the screen where I could happily forget it had ever been there. And it kind of worked – just a nudge. And I got a little more violent. And yay, it really did move. I got the thing out of the way into the large border part, completely out of sight.

Waiting 24 hours for it to warm up and condensation to dry out. Still a little anxious, but I had a good feeling by now.

And in the end, all good. The stupid insect was no more a problem, and everything seemed to work just like before. I realize this is a rather uncommon problem, but I have to point a finger to Apple's design of the screen enclosure – given the unserviceability of the device, these things shouldn't ever happen, really. Steve, you listening?!

Final advice

My first piece advice in this situation is: do like I say, not like I did: get an authorized Apple exorcist to open the machine and set things straight. Still, that would probably cost like a brand new one, and might not be covered by warranty from what I've read elsewhere.

If you choose to go ahead anyway (and indeed, that might be the least bad thing to do in some circumstances), keep the following in mind:

• If you're still on warranty, try calling Apple support first
  
• Don't do this if you can't take the risk of breaking your iPod/iPhone. Call who? Apple support!
  
• Don't do the freeze thing at all if you're treating an iPod with moving parts (hard drive models like the Mini, Classic and others)
  
• Sync your device to the computer prior to the procedure
  
• Turn it all the way off (just not sleep) – check Apple's support pages for instructions for your model
  
• When done, wait at least 24 hours before attempting to use the device (turning it on) again
  
• Try to do the freeze with the insect in an acceptable spot, should it not budge later when frozen. It's better farther toward the upper part (applies to iPod Touch), close to the wide top border area.
  
• Shaking/pounding the device to move the insect while it's half-frozen is probably the part most likely to damage the iPod. I might have been very lucky. You have been warned. If you still do it, make sure to get it where you want while it's still frozen, since I suspect the insect will reattach when the temperature and humidity goes back to normal. Seems like mine did, anyway, and if it's in the right place it is no longer a bug – it's a feature.